Retirement parties occur in the military, professions, clubs, etc. Still, not everyone desires a celebration. Some people do not like parties, and others can’t wait to get out of there. So what do you do when the job says retirement parties are required? Here is how one man played his hand.
Planning Your Own Retirement Party
Recently a man, let’s call them Drake, pointed out the often inconsiderate attitude accompanying forced celebrations for retirement. Drake has a 20-year career in the military and is now retiring.
But he cannot quietly leave because they use the festivities as much to promote the group as to bid the individual bon voyage. His boss, whom he did not like, kept harassing Drake for details on his retirement ceremony. Apparently, party planning is the retiree’s responsibility, which Drake kept putting off.
Drake told his boss that he did not want a ceremony. His boss did not take it well, raging that Drake must have one. It’s easy to see why Drake is not a fan of his boss. But, one eye roll later, Drake said he’d get on it.
However, his boss was in for a surprise. After making some calls for the forced party—sounds like an oxymoron—his plan was almost complete. With his boss harassing him for details, Drake assured him that invites would go out that week, which they did.
The Devil’s in the Details
Seconds after sending out invites, his boss reaches out, livid. Though Drake is retiring from a California base, the ceremony is in Colorado. After all, Drake was embarking on a road trip to visit friends there.
Drake pointed out that though his boss demanded Drake arrange a ceremony for his own retirement, he never asserted it must take place in California. People will always find a loophole when you apply force.
Unsurprisingly, Drake’s boss did not attend the celebration, and Drake enjoyed his bbq party in a “Hawaiian shirt and mini medals.” Here is how the internet responded.
Why Didn’t I Think of That?
Drake’s story inspired envy in one user, or rather their husband, who also had a forced retirement ceremony. On the plus side, the husband’s boss arranged the festivities.
Still, they could not help but imagine what might have been. Stationed in Germany, then, with family in Holland, they thought about the hilarity of placing the ceremony in Holland. The passive-aggressive clapback would be memorable.
Have Fun Without Me
I did not realize how rampant required parties are, but I should have known. Another commenter took “miss me with that” to literal heights. Although the user told their boss—they do not get along—they weren’t interested in a retirement party, their boss had one anyway.
So while everyone else celebrated, they cleaned out their office and ignored incoming calls. They did not care about their incensed boss, who was why they sought retirement as soon as they were eligible. A vanishing “toodles.”
And the Truth Shall Set You Free
Jobs do not understand that retirement, particularly in a toxic job, means you no longer care. You’re halfway out the door. As such, a reminder is necessary.
Another explained how their husband avoided a retirement ceremony. After the boss claimed it was a requirement, the husband warned that the boss would regret it if they had a mic to talk about their time in the army. And just like that, no party. Bravo.
God-Tier Retirement Own
After working in a large school district for almost four decades, this user was known for their pranks and never attending events like holiday celebrations, retirements, etc. However, they had one final trick up their sleeve.
Retirement required sixty-day notice, and they submitted their paperwork without telling anyone. They planned to retire on their birthday. But as luck had it, their birthday landed on a Friday, retirement began on Sunday, and Monday was April Fool’s Day.
When they did not come in, the job called and refused to believe they retired since they were a) known for pranks and b) it was April Fool’s Day. After telling the newly retired user to call central since they did not give notice for a sick day, the user countered the job should call and confirm their retirement.
A legendary prank within a prank that left the staff “laughing for weeks.” What do you think about forced retirement parties? Would you pull one of these clever shenanigans on your boss?